Sunday, July 6, 2008

only 4 on the fourth

for the 4th this year, we decided to take our first camping trip. Two years ago we camped for the first time at Apgar in West Glacier, Glacier National Park. It was amazing! Kelly, Molly and Rose absolutely loved the lake and had a blast swimming in the sun. campfires were wonderful, the air smelled amazing. It was a dream vacation and sustained us and continues to comfort us with the memory of a "normal" time in our lives.
Usually I love the process of planning each meal and packing all that we need......this year my mind is mush and I could not even begin to plan or care about what we ate or needed to bring. And as I packed, I cried and cried and cried as I left behind Kelly's sleeping bag, left behind one floatie for the lake, packed only four camp chairs, held her mug that held hot cocoa each morning around the campfire. Yet I knew I wanted to go camping. Wanted to get past yet another "first time without her" event.
I am thanking our God for this wonderful trip. the air smelled absolutely heavenly - the pines, the fresh rain, the lake close by - i so long for heaven and what it will smell like, look like - it will be close to what Apgar I'm sure!!!!!! Our girls are just so much fun to be with and they patiently hug me and let me cry whenever I need to. I love you girls. And my husband, so patient, so good to us. He took Rose and I up on Wednesday to secure a spot and then surprised us on Thursday night! He was going to wait to come up with Molly (she had to work Wed. night at the movie theater) on Friday a.m. but came early and we were just so happy to see him! life is so much better whenever he's with us.
swimming was not the same, camping was not quite the same, but it was still good, still relaxing, still felt like such an escape - from the TV, telephone, computer, work, putting up a good face as we walk through these tough days of missing our girl.
Thank you Heavenly Father for your awesome mountains and lakes, for the majesty of the Rockies and the comfort of your creation. It will be okay because you love us. It will be okay because you have a plan to renew this world. It will be okay because of you. Thanks for a great weekend.

5 comments:

catperry said...

Remembering right along with you and your family of what was, when they were with us. Sometimes these days seem all about what was, it will never be the same, but I do look at each day as a new beginning. We stayed home this year for the 4th. Too hard to forge forward on the path of what was. Maybe was good, lots of tears and remembering. Missing Tanner so much!
We think of you all so often, knowing we are walking together, albeit alone, on this twisted path. I know in my heart we are never alone-just feels its many days.
Blessings, love and peace

karengberger said...

Dear Patty,
Thank you for your comments on my blog.
So glad that you are writing your thoughts here.
The holidays seem harder than the ordinary days, to me. I know we are heading into difficult territory, as we get close to the one-year mark. It is helpful to have good companions on the journey, in family and friends, and, as you remind me, in faith. God bless you and your family!

Kelly's runner said...

Patty,

All of the firsts are so hard. Glad you got spend some time camping together.

Love you all,

Ross

Sue's News said...

Our prayers are with you as you go through all of these firsts. We love your family so much, and wish we could spend more time together, wish we could minister to each of you, and help in some small way! You are such an amazing family, and we send our love, across all these miles, to you, our neighbors!

Brian and Emily said...

Patty,

I found your page through Marcy's website. I'm so happy to read your words. I still think about Kelly all the time and wish you all comfort.

Lots of Love!
Emily (Bastedo)